Some simple rules for creating a platforming adventure:

1. Every platforming character has to be loveable, or else the title is doomed to fail.
2. Every platform game has to take you through a wired story line, usually containing an animal of some description.
3. Platform games have to entertain all ages, from young to old.

Games in this genre should always follow these guidelines and should always feel a little like the last game in the genre that came out, so people will be right at home when playing. I'm sorry, but it has to be said. Platforming games are becoming a little too generic for my liking; Jak 3 may have received a fantastic score from Geoff but it's only a matter of time until Jak runs dry of ideas. [The groundbreaking pioneer that evolved the genre into the form we know and love today? I don't think so! Ed] We need something fresh, something with a little attitude, something that isn't afraid to bend the rules above. We need Conker: Live & Reloaded!

Ah, Conker, you dirty little b***ard, you runt, you rodent, you cheeky squirrel - you're just what the genre needs. I know what Conker would tell Jak to do, too - with that profanity rich mouth of his. And before I dive deeper into the dictionary of unusable review words, let me tell you how Rare have done a marvellous job on giving this shockingly old and overlooked title a new set of balls, to make it one of the best games to date. Microsoft made no mistake when they bought Rare - Grabbed by the Ghoulies, in my eyes, was absolutely fantastic and Conker, which was made long before the Ghoulies on the N64, redone for Xbox, is equally as extraordinary. It's easy to see that both games are Rare - they just aren't like any others out there.

Their style in animation is always so right, so different and so welcome. I think the word is polished. We all know that Rare love to inject some of the old humour into their games too and their animations do a great job of making you laugh, sometimes more than the sound. This isn't just Conker either, I'm talking about all Rare games. Though Conker is the funniest thing I've ever played. I can't help laughing at the colourful green gardens, the platforming type music and then this squirrel that comes out with things that you wouldn't expect, just because some of the settings give off a kiddy feel. Those who said Microsoft made a mistake when they bought Rare can now take off their hat and eat it. You're wrong, you're all wrong. Rare games are few and far between - they almost tell you that at the start when elegant text reads "Microsoft presents - a 'Rare' game". But then, I don't mind waiting when each game is of superior quality.

For those that didn't know, Conker: Live and Reloaded is two games in one. The old Conker's Bad Fur Day is here in all its glory, with brand new outstanding graphics and some miniscule differences to give fans an excuse to go through the game on the Xbox. These changes aren't snuck in though - Conker actually turns to the screen and tells you in a witty manner. Bad Fur Day is a good enough reason to buy this game now. It's all you want from a platforming game; Rare quality, challenging and extremely good fun! The second part is Xbox Live orientated, a well thought out multiplayer, like Battlefield with Squirrels and Teddies. Intrigued? You'd better be! But first, let's take a trip down memory lane for some and a whole new lane of platforming goodness for the rest of you. It's a Bad Fur Day…

I'll be honest; I sold my N64 before Conker came out for it.Conker was released way too late in the UK to make an impact; the N64 had just about been phased out by then, so I never got to play it. I suppose this makes the single player more of a gem to me, than say, the person who completed the N64 version several times, but even that person will have a hard time not going through this digitally recaptured work of art.

It's not just Bad Fur Day chucked on the disc, no, the graphical side of things have been totally redone. And boy, are they out of this world. Everything is so in keeping with the settings and surroundings. It looks like a typical platforming adventure - it's not cel-shaded but the cartoon look really does prevail. Conker is so cute too, it's the sound department that gives him his reputation but we'll come to the audio later. The game from start to finish boasts some wonderful scenery but instead of me just summing it up all in one paragraph, allow me to spread the love throughout.

The game starts with a long, amusing intro. You won't be reading any spoilers here, but I'm so excited and amused by the whole thing that I really have to restrain myself. One thing leads to another - or that could be the other way around, because this game shows you the ending before you actually start the game. Clever indeed, because it gets you thinking how that ending will come about and how Rare are going to pull that one out the bag. Where was I? Oh yes - you start off meeting this drunken scarecrow called Birdy, who comically introduces you to these special B's that appear on the ground. He tells you that these B's are context sensitive and give you exactly what you need at that moment in time. Conker is only too happy to experiment and with plenty of attitude, you can expect to laugh yourself silly here, but again, I won't say any more!

B's can trigger numerous things and events. Pressing B on these B's (which presumably stands for Birdy, or the B button, or Birdy's B button…) might see Conker get out a slingshot, which he will have to use while standing on this special area. Other B's later on in the game allow Conker to consume large quantities of alcohol, turn himself into an anvil, get out two bricks to really hurt some enemies' manly hood and even take some confidence pills to help conquer his fear of swimming and ditch the armbands to dive deep. It's just so amusing that these B's make Conker pull something whacky out of his pocket to help you progress. It's certainly one way of doing things!

The single player is split into themes and send-ups of well-known movies. The first few levels will take you through levels that don't make much sense, like Poo Mountain - a mountain made of, well, poo. But as you progress you can expect to see send-ups of movies such as Saving Private Ryan, The Matrix and many more that I'm not about to spoil. Levels always take you through a specific theme and the puzzles normally revolve around that theme. On one level, Sloprano, you will come face to face with a giant pile of crap that sings like it's at the opera. Observe your surroundings and there's a logical (as far as logical goes in Conker) way to defeat this enemy.

Puzzles can be really hard though and sometimes, if the objective is obvious, the task can be really challenging and more often than not, really frustrating. The puzzles that aren't always obvious are really rewarding when you figure out what to do, however. One level took me a while to figure out but in the end I had to get Conker drunk and urinate on these stone people, so they cower up into a ball. I then have to push this ball onto a switch, which I thought was quite funny really. Other puzzles are a little more obvious but can really annoy. In another level, I had to get these cows to drink prune juice, to make them get the runs. I had to ride a bull around and ram these cows towards the juice; obvious but extremely hard to carry out. Conker also takes a lot of fall damage - his health is measured in chocolate pieces and when you fall from a height or jump from something a little high, Conker loses chocolate depending on the fall distance. I've died so many times from falling; heck, even puzzles lead you to places where you have no choice but to fall and lose health. Does this make Conker suicidal without a care?

The actual platforming side of things is really good. You can jump and get Conker to perform a little tail spin to fly for a short period of time - much like Tails from the Sonic series actually. It's hilarious when Conker explains that he can do a "little spinning tail thingy" by tapping the jump button twice. You can crouch and crawl, while jumping from this position gives you an even higher leap. Conker can use weapons, which differ depending on the context or the theme that you are in. For example, when you're drunk you use your manly hood as a water pistol and themes later on may require you to use a gun. Of course, Birdy context sensitive B's may bring a new weapon onto the scene too, like the slingshot.

You can expect all of the platforming goodness, like jumping from stone to stone, climbing hills of poo, swimming down a river full of toffee nosed cat-fish, defeating bosses every now and again, such as the opera pile of crap, hearing every swearword in the dictionary, chasing down wasps that stole a bees nest, dealing with Scousers in the form of dung beetles and, yeah, it's not your typical platforming game. I'll stop there, because it just gets more and more ridiculous! However, one thing that remains something of a tradition to all platforming games is that there's something you should look out for and collect. In Conker's case it's funny money. Money is required to progress and hidden in both the levels and the hubs between them. You can normally hear the money talking, in a toned-down gangster voice. Think Danny Devito in Matilda and you're along the right lines. The money shouts things like "Hey, some money over here" and "what about me?" things that'll make you laugh and help you to locate the dosh. When you approach the wad of cash, Conker's face lights up and he sees dollar signs. The money looks just like he talks - a cigar in his mouth and all. "Here I am, you greedy b***stard," is just one of the phrases the money says before getting picked up, to which Conker might reply "Yeah! I'll have that Gold Card before you know it!"

Throughout your journey you will come across many enemies. I might add that these enemies are beautifully animated and rendered, really making killing look so sweet. You can expect to see blood splat on the screen and drip down when you or the foe takes some serious damage. The same effect is applied to water too, so you can see droplets running down the screen when you get out of some water. Neat, huh? But back to your foes. There is one thing that appears at the start of the game and is the biggest annoyance ever. It's a little imp encased in bomb-looking armour. As soon as you get near, he hides himself in this armour and releases a load of spikes, thus impaling you if you get too close. To kill him, you have to run towards him, hit him and run backwards to dodge the spikes. However, you have to repeat this five to six times, which can be annoying to say the very least. Everything you come across will have a special way of killing them though and it's fun to experiment until you discover their weakness.

The single player is fantastic, there's no doubt about that but I can't help thinking that Conker's Bad Fur Day is a little bit linear. It gives you the choice of doing levels in order from time to time and finding money can be done in your own time, but most of the game is level to level - there is a planned route for you. Sometimes you are asked to solve a puzzle to progress and you might have to go back and find something in order to move on but it doesn't have the freedom that Jak offers. It has enough though and doesn't really need freedom to be an enjoyable experience. The game is huge, the story is compelling and it's entertaining from start to finish. Complete it once and you can turn the swear filter off too.

Speaking of profanity - and with profanity - the sound is ****ing fantastic! The voices behind the beautiful looking creatures and things that you come across all have their unique sounds. You hear a Scouser voice in this game and you instantly think dung beetle. You here a Danny Devito sound-a-like and it's obviously the money talking! Everything has been done with superb care and the level of detail where both sound and graphics are concerned is out of this world. In both respects, Conker's Bad Fur Day is like an ethnic mix of all cultures. We have English accents, from all different regions like Liverpool, I'm sure I heard some Yorkshire in there too - then we have plenty of American voices, German voices, the list goes on and on. Portraying these voices are perfect looking characters, which you probably wouldn't expect to come out with these accents. Sure, the game picks on all accents, sometimes emphasising them so you notice their defects but when the game picks on every accent known to man, it doesn't matter at all. Anybody with a sense of humour will find both graphics and sound to be extremely appealing.

The music that runs throughout the game is the best I've heard in any game, in any genre. Some upbeat tunes, some over-dramatic tunes, all depending on the level. There is a nightclub level and the music in there is typical progressive music, starting off with one beat and ending up really loud, full of loads of different instruments and sounds. It was ace; the music really suited the level, like it does with every level. When I left Conker to go to the toilet, I came back and he was dancing to the music. Leave him in another area and he won't dance - he might look at a porno instead.

The single player side of Conker: Live & Reloaded is perfectly done, with a lovely balance of detail, humour and challenging gameplay - this really should be played regardless if you're a fan of the genre or not; if only just for the humour alone. I really enjoyed the first half of this fantastic game and even if you don't plan on playing on Xbox Live, the single player is more than worth the entry fee. The Xbox is short of platforming games period but now it's home to one of the very the best. So here's to you Rare, for giving us a truly amazing game - cheers! >Guzzle guzzle guzzle< >BURP!< >Aaaaahhhhh!< Manly hood locked and loaded….

For an in depth review of the multiplayer section - believe me, you're not going to want to miss that! - simply click here.

Reviewed by Dexter Pearson for AceGamez (All Rights Reserved).