"Good evening, this is Kent Brockman, former news anchorman for Channel 6. I'm currently taking a break from Channel 6 after 'creative differences' with the channel's executives, who ruthlessly cut me loose after I used some colorful but entirely justified language live on the air when local idiot, Homer Simpson, spilled piping hot coffee on my crotch. I expect that Homer will somehow get my job back for me in due course, but meanwhile I've found gainful employment with the accommodating folks at AceGamez and I'm reporting live from Springfield about the new Simpsons game that has just been released. I'll be speaking with some of the town's residents to get their opinion on the game and - ah - here comes someone now. Oh, would you believe it? It's Homer Simpson - do I have to talk to him? The voice in my ear has confirmed that he's a major character in the game, so here goes. Mr. Simpson, excuse me, can I have a word with you?"

"Oh, hey Kent! Now, don't worry about your job, it's all under control."

"Thank you, Homer, but that's not what I wanted to talk to you about - I'm here to ask you about the new Simpsons videogame that's just been released."

"Wow, a Simpsons game? Am I in it?"

"Yes, I believe you are one of the playable characters."

"Woo hoo! Finally, my own videogame! After all these years of waiting for… hey, wait a minute… I've been in loads of videogames before! What's so special about this one?"

"Well, for starters, it's the first game where you and dozens of the other residents of Springfield are rendered in 3D while still using the unique cartoon style of the TV show."

"There's a TV show about me too?"

"Apparently so. But coming back to the game, have you played it? And what do you think about it?"

"Actually, come to mention it, I have been playing that videogame - and it rocks! I've got the first level all to myself, the gentle tutorial that takes place in the land of chocolate, where everything is made of chocolate - chocolate lampposts, chocolate dogs, chocolate rivers and even chocolate shops with half price chocolate! It's like they sucked out my brain and put it straight onto one of those CDVD watchamacallit disks!"

"So that accounts for one byte of space - what did they fill the rest of it with?"

"One bite of what now?"

"Never mind."

"Anyway, that's the only level where you play just me - after that I'm always teamed up with someone else in my family, usually the boy. Stupid Bart, stealing all my thunder - he's got his own superhero alter ego, Bartman, with all kinds of special powers. Do you know what my special powers are, Kent? Well do you?"

"No, but I'm guessing they have something to do with bodily functions…"

"Yeah, you're right, like my green belch special attack for starters. As well as that I can gorge myself on food and inflate into a ball to turbo boost up ramps and knock over my enemies, and I can suck up helium to float around like a balloon to reach hidden areas. But I look really fat - worse than the time when I put on extra weight so I could work from home and had to wear a mumu! And then later on in the game I can eat Gummy de Milo sweets and transform into a fat, green blob with a shooting attack."

"So what are you complaining about? Those sound like pretty handy powers to me."

"They might well be 'handy', Kent, but they're hardly flattering to my figure - I do have my pride you know! Ooh, look - someone dropped some popcorn! Hmmm, sidewalky!"

"Words fail me, they really do. Homer, thank you for your time."

"Wait a minute, am I getting paid for this? Because I don't work for peanuts you know!"

"Fine. Would you accept this donut as payment?"

"Score!"

"You can have a copy of the game too. No, Homer, wait - the game isn't edible..."

"Hmmm, packagey…"

"Right, let's see who else we can talk to - ah, here comes Mr. Burns and his bootlick assistant Waylon Smithers."

"Smithers, who was that Cro-Magnon looking lollygagger we just passed?"

"That was Homer Simpson sir, one of the overpaid underlings from Sector 7G."

"Simpson, eh? That name sounds oddly familiar…."

"It should do, sir - after all, you've fired him, rehired him, fired him again, rehired him again, he led a worker strike against you, he took over the power plant for a while, he replaced me as your assistant one time, you've adopted his son, who also gave his blood to save your life, you wooed his wife who painted you in the nude, his daughter helped you regain your fortune after you lost everything, you were in the war with his father, his family ruined your electoral campaign, you tried to make a fur coat out of his dog's puppies and their youngest daughter shot you."

"No, it's not ringing any bells. But rest assured, Smithers - I'll remember that name."

"Excuse me, Mr. Burns."

"A hoy hoy."

"Have you played the new Simpsons videogame?"

"Vee-dee-o-game you say? Is it like whirli-gigs or pick-up sticks?"

"No Mr. Burns, it really isn't."

"I've played the Simpsons game, sir, and - oh, it's no use, I can't keep it inside any more! Mr. Burns, I… I love you… ur role in the game - yes, your role in the game."

"I'm in this game?"

"Oh yes sir, on the speaker system at the logging plant and then later on as your younger self from the war."

"Really? No one asked my permission to put me in this 'video game', as you call it. Smithers, we must return to the power plant at once - I feel a very expensive lawsuit coming on."

"Very well, sir."

"Well, that wasn't particularly helpful - let's see if we can find someone who can offer us a bit more insight into the game. Ah, here's Captain Horatio McCallister. Seems like a long shot - but you never know. Captain, have you played the new Simpsons game?"

"Arrr matey, that oi have - and oi even gat me own level, that oi did. When the aliens invade Springfield and cause all the dolphins to roise up fram the depths and attack the land lubbers, oi gat to help Bart an' Lisa send 'em back t' a watery grave, yarrr."

"Fascinating. Thank you, Captain. Well, the streets are pretty deserted, so I'm just going to head into Moe's Tavern and see if I can get an interview with anyone in there. Here we go, shifty-looking bartender Moe Syzslak and resident barfly Barney Gumble. Moe, have you played the new Simpsons game?"

"Aw jeez, you brought a camera in here - I hate cameras. Okay, just make sure you capture my good side, will ya? I ain't that photographic."

"No problem, Moe, we'll just film the back of your head."

"Thanks. Now, er, what was the question again? Ah yeah, that new Simpsons game. Yeah, it's quite a laugh - everyone's in it, from Otto the bus driver and Comic Book Guy to Krusty the Klown and those annoying kids who hang around outside the Kwik-E-Mart. Ya got that pretty boy Skinner in there - God I hate him, with his perfect posture and impectable personal hygiene - then there's Snake, Flanders, Dr. Hibbert, Lenny and Carl… they're all in there. It's pretty impressive that they got everyone looking so authentic and sounding just like themselves. What did you think, Barney?"

"UURRRRP! I liked it! There was this one level where I got really drunk and then helped you bust all these pandas out of the zoo - and then we dragged this whale to the sea and…"

"Shut up, Barney, ya idiot! That wasn't in the game, that's what we did last night when… get that camera outta here! This interview is over!"

***

"Kent Brockman here again - I have to say that Moe might be ugly, but he makes up for it with the baseball bat with nails sticking out of it that he keeps behind the bar. That wound is definitely going to leave a scar. Anyway, we've now relocated to the local Kwik-E-Mart to talk with storeowner Apu Nahasapeemapatilon. Apu, what do you think of the new Simpsons game?"

"Do I look like I have time to be playing these videogames, Kent? I am in this store twenty-four hours a day, scraping a living from sales of expired donuts and pornographic magazines and trying to avoid getting shot more than five times in one weekend."

"But you're playing it right now. You've got an Xbox 360 set up behind the counter."

"Oh, now you've spoiled my concentration and I've just died! Fortunately there's no real penalty for that, my character just reincarnates and off I go again, but there is a challenge to complete every level in the game without losing a life. I nearly had it too, until you showed up. Now if you're not going to buy anything, please get out of my store! Thank you, come again!"

"Ah, I thought we might find him here - Chief Wiggum, can you tell us a bit about the new Simpsons game?"

"Sorry Kent, no time to talk - I've got to get some donuts to give me the energy to solve the crime spree caused by the release of that new videogame, Grand Theft Scratchy."

"Ah, I believe that's one of the games within the Simpsons game."

"Yes it is, Kent, and it's causing a lot of trouble. Why just earlier I saw that kid Martin, who's usually such a little goodie two shoes, stop a car, pull out the driver and then speed off home to play it. The town's gone mad! Fortunately we've got Marge Simpson on the case - she's got this megaphone that allows her to take control of people on the street and form a mob, and she's out to take down Mayor Quimby and the sleazy EA executive he's in bed with and ruin the game's launch."

"Don't you think that's kind of ironic? Using violence to stop the launch of a violent videogame?"

"I'm no philosopher, Kent - all I know is that if there were more vigilantes out there like Marge then the streets would be a lot safer for everyone who's not doing something that Marge doesn't approve of. Now if you'll excuse me, I really need those donuts."

"Perhaps we should to speak to some of the local youths - here come Nelson Muntz, Jimbo Jones and Kearney Zzyzwicz. Boys, can I talk to you about the new Simpsons game? Have you played it?"

"Played it? We're in it dude! There's this level where we're stealing stuff from the Springfield Museum, until Bart and Homer show up to stop us."

"It wasn't our idea though! Someone put us up to it - there's often a twist to the tale in the game, and the story doesn't play out quite how you're expecting most of the time. It's pretty rad."

"Now, we're off to get a four finger discount dude."

"Yeah, it's a victimless crime - like punching someone in the dark!"

"Hey wait, Brockman! Don't drink that milk dude, it expired in, like, 1984!"

"Dear God, I can feel my intestines actually dissolving. Wiggum, help me!"

"Anchorman down, I repeat, anchorman down! Call 991!

"Ha ha!"

***

"Kent Brockman here, I'm back on the street after receiving a stomach transplant from Dr. Nick - I think the less questions asked about the source of said stomach, the better it will be for all concerned, human or otherwise. Ah, here comes Professor Frink in his hover car - I'll see if I can flag him down. Professor Frink, a moment of your time, please!"

"Ne-hey-hee, hello Kent, ne-hey. I am sorry but I cannot stop right now, I have to take the molecular doohickey to attach to the sonic transmogrification matrix in order to complete my multi-dimensional matter transifxicator to allow me access to the Game Engine, mm-hey."

"The Game Engine?"

"That's right, Kent, ne-hey, it's the place where all games are created and I'm needed there to help Bart and Lisa fend off the impending alien attack on Springfield. There's no time to waste, mm-ha, they'll be coming soon, with the killer dolphins and the kidnapping of the yokels and the bringing to life of the huge Lard Lad statue, ne-hey-hee."

"I see. Well, if the aliens are coming then I'd better not hold you up any longer. Ah, here comes local tearaway Bart Simpson. Perhaps he can tell me more about the game. Bart, a moment of your time."

"Hey Kent, how's it hanging?"

"A little to the left, and thanks for asking. Bart, what can you tell me about the new Simpsons game?"

"Oh man, that game is awesome! There are loads of levels to play through, around sixteen I think, each one totally different from the last. I'm in most of them too - and I can turn into my superhero alter ego, Bartman, whenever I like! As Bartman I can glide up air vents, use my grappling hook to swing across huge gaps and shoot a range of projectiles at my enemies. It's way cool!"

"Can you tell us a little more about the levels?"

"Sure - on almost every level we work in teams of two, sometimes I'm with Dad and sometimes I'm with Lisa. You'd think that Lisa would suck, but her powers are pretty cool - she can use the hand of Buddha to move objects around and zap enemies with lightning. This leads to all kinds of puzzles - dropping objects into place to create bridges or ledges to climb up, or… actually, come to think of it, that's about it. But she can drop stuff on enemies too - I love it when she drops cars on the heads of the gangs of mice and cats that attack her and Mom when they invade the Grand Theft Scratchy game. It kinda sucks that Mom gets her mob to pimp up the place to make it all nice and wholesome looking and drive out all the hookers and gangsters, but you can't have it all."

"And what about some of the levels you're in?"

"Oh, where to begin? Me and Lisa take down Mr. Burns' logging plant to save the environment, we break into the Game Engine to save Professor Frink from this big, strangely familiar looking ape, me and Dad take the fight to the aliens and invade their spaceship after making our way across the ruins of Springfield, and we even go back in time when we enter the Medal of Homer game, helping Grampa back in World War II. We have to stop the French from surrendering after that fat German kid Uter throws a stone at one of their houses, by stealing all their white flags, and we have to stop Mr. Burns from stealing all the French art by invading his aircraft carrier and fighting off all these sailors that look a lot like that Smithers guy."

"And what is your favorite level?"

"I don't know man, there are too many great ones to choose from! But I did love going into the Game Engine - there's loads of platforms to jump around on, we get to beat up old game characters like Street Fighter warriors and football players, and there are these strangely familiar looking guys in big hamster wheels, a droopy looking blue hedgehog and some Italian dude in a red and blue jumpsuit. I love the sound that plays when we fall out of those green pipes too - it's all very retro and really reminds me of the videogames I used to play back in the day when I was still ten."

"Well, thank you Bart - oh look, your Mom is here. Let's see what she has to say about the game. Mrs. Simpson, do you have a comment on the Simpsons game?"

"Why, yes I do, Kent. I think that violent videogames are bad for our children and I just don't support them. That's why I gathered together an angry mob - to put a stop to all this violence by destroying all the billboards and laying the smack down on anyone who stands in our way."

"Don't you think that makes you something of a hypocrite?"

"No, Kent - violence is fine when it's not gratuitous. But in videogames it always is. That's why my favorite part is when I send Maggie into small gaps to crawl around and press buttons or switch levers - she's my special little girl! Sometimes she comes back with discount coupons for me too, one of the many fun collectibles to discover in each level. You see? Those parts of games are fine - it's just a shame that we all have to beat up so many bad guys to win each level."

"Hi, Mr. Brockman. Have you got a new job?"

"Ah, it's Lisa Simpson. Yes I have, reporting for AceGamez about the new Simpsons game that just came out. Did you like it?"

"I did quite like it, although in some ways I was a little disappointed. The gameplay can be quite formulaic and although this is sometimes deliberate, as the game sublimely parodies dozens of games from the past and present, some of the similar puzzles and platform jumping sections can get a little tiresome. I like the usage of teamwork though, switching between two characters and using their unique abilities to make progress through the level - playing with a friend in co-op is a lot of fun too, although sadly this mode seems to be missing for the PS2 version. None of the levels are too long either - just when you might be getting a bit tired of them, you get to the typically formulaic boss battle and then you go onto the next one."

"Can you tell us a bit about these 'boss battles'?"

"Well, most levels have a boss to defeat at the end of them, and some of them are quite the surprise! Characters you've forgotten all about keep popping up, and there's even a game designer in there too, not to mention our own personal creator, but I can't reveal exactly what I mean by that because I'm fundamentally opposed to spoilers and I don't want to rake up all the secrets. There's a hint in there about another little cameo, by the way - but it's subtle!"

"Is there anything else you liked about the game?"

"Well, I did enjoy the variety, as every level offers something different and they're all pretty funny - like Super Happy Fun Fun Game, where Dad and I go in to defeat the evil King Millhouse, or Dirt as he's known, by capturing Sparklemon from some of the kids like Sherri and Terri, aided by the floating head of Mr. Sparkle. In that level alone there are references to Okami, Final Fantasy, We Love Katamari and Pokemon, among others, as well as the obligatory fire and ice sub-levels. Most levels are like this - the opening scene in Grand Theft Scratchy looks exactly like where you start in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas - not that I've ever played it of course, I saw Bart playing it - and the Neverquest game that Mom and Dad enter looks just like Lord of the Rings! It's got Aunt Patti and Aunt Selma as an evil two-headed dragon and Mom uses Rod, Todd and Ralph, who are all dressed like Hobbits, to destroy the monster generators and repair burning houses. There's a wonderful send up of the classic arcade game Gauntlet too, in a section played from an overhead point of view. How I laughed when I heard the echoing voice of the narrator say 'Homer needs food badly' and then Dad replies 'Homer needs beer badly too!' There are so many funny lines in this game that I lost count after the first couple of levels - every character is just like they are in real life and the clever references that only videogame fans will get are endless. It's been scripted with all the high quality wit and style that everyone expects from us!"

"And how about the graphics? Does it look authentic?"

"Yes, Kent, the graphics are pretty good - it's just like a cartoon version of the TV show they made about us! The animation is really smooth and some of the cut scenes look just like the real thing - they were created especially for the game and I think that's a first. They look much better than the clunky 3D graphics that have been used in the past, and of course better than the pixely 8-bit graphics of our yesteryear alter egos that we have to save from destruction in one of the Game Engine levels. The game is in 3D but all the characters and scenery use the line-drawn style that we're used to; never before has a game captured Springfield and its inhabitants so well, even if the visuals do look a little lopsided at times. The downside is that levels can look a little sparse and simplistic in places, but I think that's an acceptable trade off. The sound is perfect though - as well as that familiar tune that keeps getting stuck in my head and makes me think of an Elfman, the music on each level really complements its setting; the music during the alien invasion levels is dramatic and foreboding, the themes in the Game Engine sound suitably retro and upbeat, then you've got the likes of Neverquest's Lord of the Rings-esque soundtrack, the war music of Medal of Homer and the feel-good tunes in Super Happy Fun Fun Game."

"Well, thank you Lisa, you've certainly given us more than enough detail on…"

"Actually Mr. Brockman, I haven't finished yet! The game's developers seem to have captured our actual voices, although I don't know how because I don't remember going into any recording studio! Every character sounds exactly as they should and they say the sort of things you'd expect. There are so many funny visual gags too, like posters for games such as Project Shelbyville Racing, Zero-Life starring Professor Frink and Need for Speedo, starring Dad, which is actually pretty disturbing, as you can imagine! It really is the first time a videogame has been given the full Simpsons treatment - the characters work out that they're in a videogame and this forms a big part of the plot, with knowing self-references in the cut scenes and countless one-liners. Never before has a game been so good at poking fun at other videogames, just like this crazy town seems to poke fun so well at the rest of America."

"We really are running out of time now, Lisa, so I'll have to stop you there - it's time for me to end this report. Oh no, Comic Book Guy is waddling this way - and he looks upset…"

"I cannot believe that you would even think of doing a report on a new Simpsons game without first talking to me, the leading expert on all forms of media from comic books to films and everything in between."

"Okay then, Comic Book Guy - tell us what you thought."

"Worst videogame ever! The free roaming Grand Theft Auto style of the classic Simpsons Hit & Run was wonderful - you had the whole of Springfield to explore at your fingertips, divided into several huge districts, and you could just drive around, steal cars, beat people up and take on a range of main and side missions. This is a huge backwards step - a linear, derivative title that reduces the basic gameplay to simplistic puzzles, repetitive combat with limited special moves and dull platform jumping. It's all very well putting me in the game to point out the many Gaming Clichés in each level, like the use of trampolines, the double jump, falling to your death, not being able to swim, exploding barrels, levels with time limits, enemy generators, the same enemy in a different colored outfit being stronger, and more, but I think they forgot about a couple - like the awful, awful camera. Worst videogame camera ever!"

"Even worse than Robin Hood's Quest?"

"Dear God, man - of course not! It's just my saying that I use for comic effect! The camera is bad though - it spins around all over the place and cannot pan near walls, often obscuring your view when trying to jump up platforms and sometimes getting stuck in objects. It might not be game breaking, but it will make you a little dizzy and disorientated at times and is the sort of game camera that should have died out long ago - you do get used to it, but you are aware of having to adjust it and sometimes fight with it far too often throughout the entire game. To leave the camera in this state is inexcusable."

"So that's all you have to say that's bad about the game?"

"It won't last very long either, Kent - you will complete it in under ten hours and then the only thing to bring you back are the objects you collect for each character, like Lisa's Malibu Stacey dolls and Homer's Duff Beer bottle-tops, plus a target time and the objective of completing each level without dying. Big whoopee."

"But it's not the worst videogame ever though?"

"Fine I admit it - it is not. In fact I quite like it - but you may not quote me on that."

"We're actually broadcasting live..."

"In that case, it is without doubt the worst videogame ever. Now, I must take my leave."

"And so with Comic Book Guy heading off, probably to the Fatmobile…"

"Hey! I heard that! I am adiposially challenged, not deaf, you know!"

"…it's time for the final word. The Simpsons Game is a unique title - it's a game where the characters know they're in a game, and seek to use their new game-given powers to aid them in their journey to stop an alien menace and discover the meaning of their existence. This excellent, unusual and highly amusing story is coupled with humor that's consistent throughout the game and genuinely funny, up to the standards of an episode of The Simpsons TV show. It is this, combined with the whole cast of wacky stereotypes from this little town called Springfield, which saves the game from sinking into mediocrity. Yes, the gameplay often involves derivative platform jumping, simple puzzles and basic fighting - and apparently the camera can be a bit of a nuisance - but the variety of game-parodying levels on offer, the authentic graphics, the wonderful voice acting and the diverse soundtrack help it rise above mediocrity to become greater than the sum of its parts. So, in conclusion, if you are even a casual fan of The Simpsons then you will doubtless find plenty to enjoy in The Simpsons Game to justify your purchase. This is Kent Brockman, reporting live from Springfield, for AceGamez."

Interviews conducted by Kent Brockman (hired by Geoff Holland) for AceGamez (All Rights Reserved).