Some things in life are there to test us - like the returns policy in a catalogue store or that jobsworth who makes sure you can't relax on public transport. Feet down, sit up straight, don't listen to your iPod if the older jewels on the bus can hear it too, of course, I call them 'jewels' but I really mean stinking old women who haven't heard of soap or the dentist! But then there's dentist - a test in itself, because having not been for some eight months, I now find out that I have to pay full whack for a check up, just to see if my smile is offensive or not. It's certain to be offensive of course - I'm British, and besides, with all these things in the world that are built to test us that cause my enraged teeth grinding, it's a wonder I have any smile left to give.

Regardless of the state of my teeth though, I'm not smiling at the moment. You see, Real Tennis 2009 is the real reason that people walk around with a chip on their shoulder. That jobsworth on the bus? He's played Real Tennis. The dentist who drills a bit too far? You guessed it. Anybody who has ever wronged you in life must have played this game. Of course, I use the word "life" quite loosely, because at the time of review this game has only been out just over a month. But what are the justifications for my harsh words? It's those damn controls.

Some things were made for touch screens, games like Toki Tori, Peggle and Flight Control - but before I fall into an opening paragraph rut, I'll stop there and say that other's really aren't. Everything is right about Real Tennis 2009: everything except the controls. They possibly could be mastered with enough effort, but the general audience - myself included - don't have the patience for something that is sold as a pick up and play title. A virtual d-pad on the left of a landscape screen and a novel swing button on the right. Sorry, did I say "novel"? I meant nuisance.

A lot of the time my Real Tennis woes are actually down to the d-pad. I'll either miss it altogether, accidentally press the wrong direction, or (worse still) manage to press the correct direction but nothing happens. For something that requires quick action, the often-irresponsive d-pad really makes things difficult, and the lack of a solid feel makes a virtual d-pad virtually useless in this situation. We've seen it work in Castle of Magic, and while similar issues were raised, they could be forgiven because the nature of the game wasn't solely dependent upon precise control. But the biggest nuisance of all is that swing button. It's small, it's out of the way and it responds to gestures. Tapping it gives you a lob while running your finger over it in a certain direction slices the ball.

On paper it actually sounds impressive, but have you ever been able to tap your head and rub your belly? Yes? Wow! Now, have you tried doing that while having a gun held to your crotch that will go off if you get the rubbing and patting sequence wrong? Neither have I, but I feel as though this button emits the same amount of pressure, running one way and slicing the other, hoping your d-pad responds and your swing button registers your thumb gesture. The odds are against you and the trigger is pulled - and BANG! Your balls fall to the floor (plural not just for pun purposes but because it happens more than once in one gaming session). To some extent Real Tennis is more playable on Doubles mode, where the computer controls your partner, so theoretically mess-ups are cut in half because you have some AI to take the strain should it land on their side, and less distance for you to stride with the d-pad should it come to yours. The troublesome swing button still might give you some lip, but it certainly talks back less on this mode.

There is a little bit of smooth on this sandpaper of a game though; the graphics are absolutely stunning, full 3D with moving crowds and realistic looking courts as the ball darts back and... well, not forth, because I didn't manage to hit it! I've said it before and I'll say it again: the iPhone truly delivers on the graphical front and, for whatever it's worth, Real Tennis delivers impressive Dreamcast comparable graphics that somewhat resemble Virtua Tennis - and that's a good thing. Music fills the menus and typical sound effects are used to give a sense of atmosphere on the court, plus there are loads of characters to choose from, loads of courts, and a couple of modes to go at to keep things fresh.

The problem is though, it doesn't matter how lovely a game looks, how varied your choices are, how quickly it loads and how convincing it sounds when it's nigh on unplayable - and that's where Real Tennis 2009 almost entirely drops the ball. Perseverance may yield limited success, but with so many brilliant and instantly playable titles available for so little money, the iPhone gamer just doesn't have any impetus to persist.

Reviewed by Dexter Pearson for AceGamez (All Rights Reserved).