That's right ladies and gentlemen, it's that time of year again! Stock up on party poppers, get the music thumping and hire a couple of saucy strippers! Y'see, it's time to celebrate! This month, lucky little readers, you're not only getting the chance to play the videogame adaptations of Cars, The Ant Bully AND Stormbreaker - but also Columbia's critically acclaimed, Monster House! Oh the unbridled joy! And by the way, if you can't sense the bitter taste of sarcasm in my words then I suggest re-reading it with the desired air of disdain. Done? Good. You see, like all those other ghastly Summer movie tie-ins, Monster House is tarred with the same brush - the one that made Van Gogh's pictures all blue and depressing. And by God is Monster House depressing...

Initially, AM2's third-person, Resi-esque concept seems mighty promising. The thing is, it soon bites you on the bottom like a sexually confused zombie as you watch an array of flaws mutate an entirely workable concept faster than the T-Virus. Dodgy cameras! Dodgy checkpoint placing! Dodgy controls! Dodgy level design! In a word, it's all a bit 'dodgy'. Yes, that's it. Add that to an atrocious four hour lifespan and you'll be left as a flinching ball on the floor, sucking your thumb as you envisage appropriate methods to inflict pain onto your deserving disc. Thankfully, the Monster House disc doubles as a surprisingly effective Frisbee, a half-decent (albeit, rather pricey) beverage coaster, and a device of mental torture worthy of even the cruellest military leader. "But, AceGamez?" you say, pointing a finger at my apparent degree of cynicism, "surely it can't be that bad, can it?!". But yes, Monster House really is that bad... That said, AM2's latest does have a few neat touches, so I guess I should mention them...

The good stuff! AM2 have replicated their licence with considerable aplomb! For those unenlightened as to Columbia Pictures' latest animated beauty, the acclaimed flick centres around a trio of brave/stupid (delete as appropriate) children who decide to venture into an abandoned, 'possessed' and downright spooky house to rescue their entrapped pals. Ooh, aah... And it really is spooky. For an intended audience of under tens who probably screamed "ARE WE THERE YET?!" all the way to the cinema, Monster House's use of audio is surprisingly eerie and it lends itself well to the Resi-lite gameplay on board. It's nothing to make you rush out for additional supplies of Andrex, but AM2 have certainly carried out a first class effort to emulate the movie's ambiance and tension. Leaking pipes 'splosh', floorboards go 'eek' and your television speakers bleed enough otherworldly melodies to make even Muse proud.

Even more good stuff! Monster House looks pretty darn fine. In fact, if Monster House sat next to you in a lousy, smoke-ridden bar, you might even try to impress it by saying you're an astronaut or something. Okay, so it's not exactly going to frazzle your Gamecube's internal organs, but visually, Monster House is incredibly faithful to its animated brother. The character likeness is top notch - DJ, Chouder and Jenny (the three playable characters) are each the spitting image of their movie counterparts. As such, the movie's aesthetics leak accordingly into the game's environments, with the titular house adorned with creepy cobwebs, unsettling lighting and some rather unpredictable enemies (chairs, books and radiators, anyone?!) Monster House's predominant shortcomings certainly aren't due to an inability to emulate its licence, but are instead, due to a shoddy and downright flawed execution.

Essentially, this is Resident Evil on training wheels - with the main premise being to survive whatever the possessed house throws at you. Armed with nothing but a water pistol and a dream, it's up to our three protagonists to venture through identical room after identical room, disposing of any evil chairs and books, all whilst collecting hilariously 'hidden' tokens. And it's as mind-numbingly tedious as it sounds. Remember Resident Evil 4? Of course you do! Cast your mind back to Capcom's epic horror-fest and you'll no doubt remember how the shock-a-moment surprises held you entranced like an OAP to a broadcasting of Matlock, right? That's because it was immaculately paced, bringing something new to the table at every twist and turn. Monster House doesn't; it just regurgitates the same cramped environments over and over again. Enter corridor. Locked door. Need key. Do rubbish block puzzle to get key. Use key. Open door. Rinse and repeat. Then condition. In fact, it'd be a fair statement to say that once the story comes to an end, you've most likely seen every corridor, crook and cranny thrice over. And the adventure still only lasts about four hours.

This repetition also spills into the enemy distribution and the less-than-stellar combat system. At first the enemies seem to be rather imaginative - with parts of the house coming 'alive' to unexpectedly smack you in painful areas of the face. Ouch! However, things soon turn sour, and you soon that you have to squirt each of the game's six or so enemies to death consecutively. In every room. And them some. With that in mind, it doesn't take long for to tedium set in, and you'll soon find yourself clawing at the power button to end the pain. Resi 4 allowed your killer instincts to run wild, giving you multiple Tools of Torture™ that both excited and challenged your imagination. Here, you're only presented with a crummy water pistol. Why? "Because that's what they had in the movie!" Yes, Mr Developer, but that doesn't equate to immersing and engaging gameplay, now does it? In fact, even when you get the chance to control alternate characters (each boasting alternative weapons like slingshots and water balloons) all you're actually still doing is mercilessly hammering the fire button to eliminate foes.

Well, that's if you can actually aim at them, anyway - you see dear reader, Monster House's controls are broken too! With no manual aim available, you have to learn to depend upon the horrific auto-aiming! Hurrah! However, what with the sheer mouse-hole proportions of each room and corridor, you're more likely to lock onto a nearby wall... Now you're dead. Awesome. Ha! This bit's funny! Load up your save, go on! I know! That was ages ago! Enjoy your backtracking? Checkpoint positioning in Monster House is somewhat of a mixed affair, frequently deviating between 'plentiful' and 'non-existent' - which will undoubtedly punish the dummy-sucking target audience. This infuriating issue becomes more frustrating as the Resi-esque interactive cut scenes come into play - and the thought of backtracking even more identical rooms simply becomes all too much to bear.

Perhaps Monster House's gravest downfall is that of failing to address the needs of its target audience. For a game that's obviously pitched towards the younger and more casual gamers, Monster House's faulty level design and rather questionable checkpoint positioning will ultimately infuriate those with little experience, yet for the seasoned gamer it lacks any particular challenge or charm. AM2 simply doesn't know who its audience is, and no amount of Castlevania-style bonus content within 'Thou Art Dead' - despite its retro-themed goodness - will ever change that. With a pathetic four hour lifespan, countless hindering flaws and less charisma than a crisp packet, it's safe to say that Monster House doesn't buck the usual movie-licensed trend. Avoid.

Reviewed by Ricky Lee Staines for AceGamez (All Rights Reserved).