Let me get one thing straight before we start this review - two points of every score to the left is for the original Bubble Bobble arcade game that was supposed to simply be a bonus feature, but turned out to be the only worthwhile part of this sad, sad excuse for a video game.

Oops.

Bubble Bobble - one of the B-actors of the Eighties arcade circuit - starred two little bubble-spitting Bubble Dragons named Bub and Bob, who braved 100 single screen levels to rescue their girlfriends. Besides the catchy theme song, what endeared the game to a generation of gamers was the "catch them in a bubble and pop them" action mechanics, goofy enemies, goofier items (mostly based on food) and innovative level design that directly complemented the gameplay. Despite seeing many home releases over the past two decades, only the Taito Legends version, which was a direct emulation of the original arcade game, was able to fully capture the original in all its glory, as rebuilding the game from scratch never seemed to pan out.

Unfortunately, one or all of the following publishers, Taito and/or Codemasters and/or Rising Star, felt the need to create a sequel for Bubble Bobble and get that license producing some revenue. Handing the job to developers Dreams and Marvelous Entertainment Inc., the two managed to create a product based on a game they obviously never truly appreciated. The Revolution in Bubble Bobble Revolution should be changed to Revulsion, as the new take's ugly graphics, lifeless level design and terrible gameplay will have your stomach turning in circles. And that's before I mention that two-thirds of the new game is locked away by a bug that exists in every single copy of this game released within the United States.

Oops.

Dubbed as the "New Age" version, the developers managed to make a game so devoid of the elements that made the original fun that it is flabbergasting. Levels are no longer locked with all the enemies on the screen, as the camera has been zoomed right in, forcing players to transverse left to right in unnecessarily large, empty levels searching for enemies. Some levels are two screens tall, but the game design fails to take that space between the top and bottom screen into consideration, making for some disorientating moments. These handicaps don't seem to affect the enemies though, as a barrage of projectiles fly regularly from the great unknown to hurt you. Thankfully you can take up to three hits before succumbing to death - yippee.

Not content just ruining the existing Bubble Bobble elements, the developers added plenty of fresh and just as poorly implemented, ideas into Revolution. For example, by holding B, Bub and Bob can charge up a large bubble to capture multiple enemies at once, use for high jumps or ride in for flying attacks. The developers seem to forget that they didn't set up the gameplay to make use of these features however, as groups of enemies are uncommon, every blown bubble flies away too quickly to be jumped on and if you don't have a wall to bounce that big bubble off, well, good luck riding it.

There are supposedly fans that are activated by blowing into the DS's microphone, but the one level I saw that featured them was skipped straight over by the game, as it had zero enemies programmed into it.

Oops.

If you have seen the frightening cover art for the game, you are only partially prepared for the disgusting presentation within. The new character graphics are large, uninspired, lacking personality and are altogether putrid. The backgrounds set the DS back about seven years or so, appearing to have been lifted straight from a Game Boy Color title. The new music is decent, but the sound effects are just plain annoying, all sounding as if they were ripped straight from a bunch of cheap children's toys such as laser guns and robots.

And you can forget lasting appeal - unless one of your goals in life was to pay $30 for an above average portable version of the original Bubble Bobble game. It is truly sad when your bonus features - which were created by someone else - upstage your actual product. The emulated version of the arcade classic is brought to life with little complaint. Confining the action to a single screen was the right choice, as was allowing gamers to zoom in or zoom out as they feel with the tap of R. Having played through nearly all of this version (the game cannot be finished without two players), I had a great time reliving a game I enjoyed as a child and found the Revolution just that much harder to deal with. My only complaints are that the top screen is used for holding an NES quality title screen and that two player mode requires two copies of the game. But it was supposed to be an extra, so I can't fault it too much.

On top of the two-player mode in the original, Bubble Bobble Revolution sports brand new multiplayer games that support up to four players, but they too require that each player have a copy of the game. Even one person should not own this game, let alone a group of them! Even if you remain undeterred from my cries of agony, the bug in level 30 - which is missing the boss necessary to defeat to progress - should keep would-be-sadists in check. Codemasters supposedly released a press statement claiming to be working on a recall in October, but nothing has materialized. An email to one of their public relations persons, Jennifer Campana, went unanswered.

Oops.

Bubble Bobble Revolution is an absolute disaster that is only saved from scoring destruction by the well-emulated version of the original arcade title. If you see this in stores, along with its equally awful (though fully functional) cousin, Rainbow Islands Revolution, run far, far away, screaming at the top of your lungs as if you've seen a ghost. Friends don't let friends play Bubble Bobble Revolution.

Reviewed by Tony Peters for AceGamez (All Rights Reserved).